Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Good dreams/bad dreams

Last night the phone rang. I let the machine pick it up. It was S, a former significant other, on one of his semi-annual phone sprees. I killed the volume on the machine and went back to what I was doing.

He usually calls when he is on one-a mubbling rambling rampage and barrage of hate. Who needs it?

A few minutes later the phone rang again, and I let it go. Then a short while later it rang again, and I turned the volume up to make sure it wasn't someone else. S again, and I was sucked in and listened to the beginning of the message. I was suprised that he was rambling on about he had made a big mistake-how love was lacking in his life- wanting to resurrect our relationship.

I didn't fall for it. Enough time has finally passed. Many times I took him back. Can't do it anymore. Yes, I loved him. Now I was just worried about him. Still the phone kept ringing and I ignored it. I am not a religious person-nor have I had any formal background, but I found myself throwing myself on my knees and asking God to forgive me for turning my back on S, and praying for God to help him. The phone kept ringing.

I decided to get online and tie up the phoneline, but my heart wasn't in it. Nothing interested me. I remembered that I had been wanting to download "Make you crazy" by Brett Dennen from you tube. So I wandered over to youtube and selected the version of the song from Brett's LA backyard. I started the download and curled up with Peko with the light on.

I fell asleep and had dreams. I was dreaming that I was taking an armload of books to someone. He was working at a desk with piles of papers and very busy and absorbed. Not wanting to disturb him, I sat outside near the door in conversation with others. He heard my voice and stepped out the door and looked over at me. He said my first name, suprised, and I nodded. He went back in to work, and I wondered how I looked, thinking maybe I should have put on make up.

I woke up, and the download was finished. I sat half awake and watched Brett Dennen. It was a homegrown vid, with people talking in the background. I was reminded of my old video days with the band. It was a raw version of the song..and it ended with them just stopping. Hmmm. Maybe I should have watched the official version.

I went back to bed and had some more dreams. I dreamed I was back at the place of the first dream, and the man was still there, but getting ready to leave. He was very busy. Others were there. I asked him if I could help, and he asked me to get the root beer. He gave directions to it...several landmarks in the storage area, specific and abrupt. Right at the envelopes, left at the ?, straight past the ?... I set off through a labyrinth sure that I could find the root beer, but forgetting the landmarks. The place was well stocked, messy but organized. I found myself in a kitchen area, with bread stored on shelves below, and a lived-in look about the place. I found it pleasing that he seemed a bit messy but very well organized.

He appeared and he realized I had not found the root beer, and he gently said he would show me where it was. I awoke again.

I have no idea where the symbolism for root beer came from. LOL.

But hey, blue skies out there this morning-albeit below freezing-and I haven't come across any cat puke yet. Maybe it will be a better day. :)

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